Today is officially the longest day of the year. If you’ve scrolled through your social media feeds lately the consensus is 2020 has been the longest year ever and we’re only in June. So far this year has truly been a test of mental and emotional fortitude for everyone. For me personally, writing has been on my heart but not at the forefront of my mind. Last night I decided it was time to release some of my thoughts and write a little. Here are a few things that have been on my mind and my heart lately.
The older I become the tougher the holiday of Father’s Day is on me. There was a time when I rarely thought about my father. However, since reuniting with his side of my family, about 3 years ago, suppressed emotions have risen. The older I become the more I wish he was around to give me advice. Or simply laugh and joke with me. I can’t help but think about all the memories we could have created. I think about how close we could have grown. Of course, there is no guarantee that we would have been close or that we would have enjoyed being with one another. But the little time we did spend together before he passed away gives me the impression that he would’ve been a great guiding factor in my life today.
Black Lives Matter
Unless you’ve been living under a rock the last month, you’ve probably seen and heard a great amount about the protests around the United States. The killing of George Floyd was heartbreaking and gut wrenching. Fortunately it was filmed, so people of all skin colors could see with their own two eyes the truth. It left no room for doubts. Unfortunately, it is not the way anyone (especially those of us of color) wanted change to be ushered in. We didn’t want to see or hear about another black man or woman’s life taken by law enforcement (or a careless and heartless vigilante). We wish people would’ve listened to our great grannies, our pawpaw’s, our aunties, and our big cousins. All who’ve come before us and told stories of lynchings, assaults, financial strongholds, and educational suppression. All those stories seemed to have fallen on deaf ears. The recent events seemed to have encouraged a change. A movement that is pushing for changes to the same ole same treatment of Black people in America (and hopefully worldwide). My prayer is that the future looks brighter for our children and grandchildren. I just hate that people had to lose their lives to get the ball rolling.
Work + Life Balance
I’ll be honest with you. This social distancing has been a great thing but also a big challenge. I’ve been working from home since mid-March. Which, as an introvert, is a dream! My anxiety level has went way down. My mood has lightened. I don’t feel nearly as exhausted at the end of the workday as I used to before the COVID-19 lock-down. However, my creative side has suffered. For awhile, I felt like it was all pointless. The world was moving in a weird place and it felt weird to be ambitious. It felt odd to look forward. I had fun plans for this year (most of which involved being around people). All of that was swept away, and that left me feeling bummed. Once those feelings somewhat subsided, I started thinking about other possibilities for my lack of enthusiasm. Maybe being around people was what I needed to spark my creativity. Maybe I needed social interaction to help me think outside the box. It’s been frustrating but also eye opening. I’ve had to stop, count my blessings, and start again. Step by step.
This was a heavy post. Trying to lighten it up didn’t feel right. Writing is therapeutic and while I wrap this post up I do feel a little better.
How have you been feeling these last few months or weeks?