Not Today Anxiety, Not Today

I don’t do many faith related posts here.  I scratch the surface of my emotions from time-to-time, but I rarely dive into my spirit.  I can tell you how I feel, but laying out what I believe at times can feel too exhausting.  I don’t think I’ve touched on my anxiety on the blog.  So today is a first.

While I’m being honest, my job gives me the most anxiety.  It is something that I have been battling for so long I can’t nail down exactly when it began.  All it takes is one little hiccup (by yours truly) to send my mind racing and my blood pressure up.  I’ve never felt this way for such an extended amount of time before.  I’ve been in high pressure situations and I’m typically as cool as a cucumber during those times. However, there is something about being in the office and feeling like someone is keeping a tally of all the times I screw up that sends me into a tizzy.

“Breathe Keshia.  The sky isn’t falling because you messed up.”

Another thing that gives me anxiety is money.  I think if I was a millionaire I would still worry about money.  I don’t mean to sound dramatic but maybe it’s a little post-traumatic stress.  The fear of losing things.  I’m not an irresponsible person financially (Although I’ve had my moments in the past. It’s called being in your 20’s).  A lot of times it boils down to me not feeling like I deserve to have nice things.  Nice things go away.  Don’t they?

“Girl, money comes and money goes.  Work with what you got.  Be smart with what you have and you’ll always have a lot.”

These two anxiety triggers have been pressing me lately.  Although I say a little prayer everyday, I have felt compelled to go deeper with my prayers lately.  I pray for relief from the effects of the anxiety (quickened heart rate, body aches from tension, etc.).  I pray for God to calm my mind.  I pray for strength to get through the moment.

I’ve felt the need to identify these trigger points and identify when they hit me (and boy do they hit me).  I’ve decided to stop and question what is really sending my mind into a whirlwind.  I think about whether the reasons for my emotions are legit.  Often I realize that my thoughts simply get away from me.

I am learning that I have to trust in God for the things I pray for.  Even if it seems impossible at the peak of my high anxiety moments.  I also have to be active in processing my thoughts more precisely.  There will always be things I can’t control.  What I can control is how I react to those things.

If anxiety is a consistent problem for you as well, my heart goes out to you.  Hopefully, this post helps you in some way.

Take care,

Keshia

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