Stay in Your Lane

My husband, David, told me some time ago that he noticed I always seem to be pressing forward. I thought about it, and it’s true. I’m always planning, editing the plan, and then planning again. Every once and a blue moon I actually execute the plan. And ever so often that execution leaves me empty-handed when it comes to results. The big “goose-egg”. I can always say that “I tried” but damn it still hurts.

“I guess I’m just not good enough”.

I will admit I have a tendency to count my losses more than my wins. I know, I know, it’s not good to focus on the negative. But I have a routine. I succumb to self-loathing, have my pity party, and then I become frustrated and a little angry. I have to let those failures fuel me.

Then, the process begins again. I don’t know why, but I have to try again.  Back to the drawing board. The disappointment becomes a memory. The heartache becomes a scar. I brush myself off and tip-toe back into incoming traffic.

“How will you know if you never try”?

Some might say that you have to stay in your lane. That would make sense if you want to become a famous singer and have no natural musical ability. I think that if you do have the ability, the heart, and a sprinkle of talent to do something, then you should go for it. Think of all the inventions we have today. If it were not for those inspired minds we would not have the modern conveniences we have today. Think about how life would be different if those inventors had given up and not continued. We would still be illuminating our homes by candlelight and riding horse and buggy to work. Now by no means am I a life changing inventor. It would be cool if I was, but I’m not. However, I am someone with aspirations for my life and what I want to contribute to society.

This blog post, for example, has taken me months to write. Admitting failures can be daunting in itself. When my first book made no waves last year, I wanted to curl up into a ball, throw my blankets over my head, and not resurface. I was reluctant to talk to anyone about it, and that includes David. Attempts to continue writing began but always came to a sudden halt. A part of me just couldn’t muster up the nerve to start writing again. Not to mention any form of writers block would send me into a downward spiral. However, like I mentioned I had to go through my process (even though my pity party lasted way too long). I can’t quit. I’ve already come too far. Being creative is my lane.

Maybe you’re like me. Your loss column is clearly tipping the scale. There is a “WTF” moment that happens within all of us at some point. I encourage you to keep going. Learn from your mistakes, make a plan, and begin again. Even though I hate cliché statements I have to leave you with one.

“If at first you don’t succeed try again.”

-Keshia